Thoughts on my labor.

So, I have lots of thoughts on labor...birth centers...etc... They keep coming and going, so I'm sure for several weeks I'll continue to post things....

On my labor: I had a great labor, yes. I'm thankful that God delivered just what I needed...a short labor, but wow...it was fast! About 3 hours start to finish. No tearing, perfect baby, great environment and support team. Everyone said I did so good, etc. But why is it I feel so - not dissatisfied, but - Okay, so for months I mentally prepared myself for labor. Like early - active - transition - delivery labor. Like I stated in my birth story, I spent two hours before bed the night of delivery making a playlist for delivery, which I never used. I had a "labor" outfit (sports bra & skirt), which I never used. I had gone through mental imagery every night for months of how I wanted my labor to be. I envisioned myself quiet and in control. I saw myself centered. What I got felt completely out of control, naturally, it appears I went zero to sixty pretty fast. I think that lack of control makes me feel like I failed myself in that area.

On the far other hand, it wasn't near as "bad" as I thought it would be! I had expected much more pain and suffering. And while there was pain and suffering and it is something I have no desire to redo in the near future, I never had that, "Oh my God I'm going to die" feeling. I feel like, while the pain was bad, in my mind I always knew it was for a purpose and was temporary.

On hospital deliveries: Okay, I don't mean to sound judgmental at all here, but can I just say I *TOTALLY* understand why girls in the hospital are getting epidurals?? Remember in my birth story how I said the most painful part of labor way on the bed?? I was on my side in bed and honestly was in the worst pain....and it was MAYBE 5 min!

Well, these girls go into the hospital and are put on all of these machines which require them to stay in the bed....and most of them on their backs. Duh - that's gonna hurt. Then, by being only in the bed, the baby isn't moving down as quickly, so labor is going longer. No doubt in my mind had I been strapped to a bed I would have asked for an epidural....holy tar that hurt!

I have seen some hospital deliveries where the women were allowed to move around and I'm sure that is fine but midwives...let me tell you about midwives....