waiting is the hardest part. PART 1

so, most of you know, my husband is a film producer. my husband dreams of making good films, quality films...better said, he wants to make films that the whole family can watch and he wants them to be made well.

when i first met chad he said, "i'm a producer." and i swooned at the thought of him working hard "producing" although i had no real idea of what that meant. i thought he was living the life "producing" these equestrian shows. he said it was God's calling on his life, um ok? (i was living a life full of sin, i didn't really care at that time what God's calling was on anyones life).

turns out producing isn't so much glamorous. in fact, those equestrian shows ended up screwing chad and leaving him jobless right after we met. he always talked these big dreams....i talked to him about finding a J-O-B so he could marry me. (no seriously, that honestly was my only motive).

to clear something up, a producer is the ring leader so to speak. there are many types of producers: line producers, executive producers.... but bottom line, my husbands job is to hire crew, makes sure said crew is working hard and happy, make the budget and make sure he's staying in that budget. of course, every job is different. sometimes he may be more the line (budget) guy. other times he's needed more on set. but you get the idea right... okay..i'll go on.

may 03 chad gets to be a PA on a short film, Cliche. agrees to fly himself out there and work for cheap--realllllllly cheap. say what? i could not understand this at all. why would anyone do such a stupid thing? and what is a PA? oh, a production assistant, that sounds important.... it really isn't. seriously, its like the lowest job. but, he reminded me, "it's my calling" i remember chad working so hard. a lot of nights. he was exhausted but so happy--fulfilled. i flew out to visit him on set....i think he was only gone 2 weeks, but we were young and in love. :) it was my first film set, so that was cool. but when all was said and done, he was back home and looking for work.

in the meantime, chad got his personal trainer certification and put film on the back burner. we got married and in oct 04 he was asked to produce Midnight Clear the short in AZ. the pay was small and he'd have to take time off from his training job, but hey, why not....besides, it's his calling. again, i watched the man work his tail off. he was gone only two weeks. i could not understand WHY this man kept doing this work for so little money. but he was SO happy.

2005 came and went. i was working at SWA and Chad as a personal trainer. he was unhappy and i knew it. he didn't hate personal training, but his passion was film. i got pregnant at the beginning of 05 so most of the year was spent preparing for our sons arrival. he talked a lot about film, but i wasn't listening...besides, we had bills to pay. chad lost a lot of clients moving gyms right after kai was born, so we were struggling so to say (ok, a lot to say...).

March 2006. they decide to make Midnight Clear the short into Midnight Clear the feature. i was home with a six month old baby. we are finally feeling on top of our bills again. i've started a new job.... and my husband comes in and asks me if he can leave for 3 months.

this was a defining moment in my marriage. i had the choice. i could have said no. but this is really what he wanted to do. i knew that he had prayed on it. i understood he thought (yes, HE, not me) this was God's calling. so, i stepped out, in faith...i shouldn't say stepped out, i maybe poked a toe out the door. i hugged my baby and told him to go to New Mexico. I cried A LOT...how was I going to make it!? luckily the film got move to our hometown, so he was only really gone a few weeks...dodged a bullet there. :)

another dry spell through the remainder of the year....back to training. he kept pursuing film and i kept wondering why. :)