33 weeks, 5 days

I keep forgetting to update my blog, oops!

Last week we had another appointment. Kai was still measuring four weeks bigger than he should be....great. During the sonogram we discovered that he is still breech. His head is under my right lung and his feet are tucked down at the bottom of my cervix.

After the sonogram the doctor sat down so we could "talk." He said there is only a 20% chance of the baby turning at this point. Because of his larger size and feet down position, he feels like there is even less of a chance of him turning so he asked us to go ahead a schedule a c-section. He told me to pick a date between the 15th and 22nd. He sat there waiting for me to make a decision...finally, he figured out that I had no idea he told me I could call later and decide. Through further discussion, he said he thinks that a c-section might be the best option for me, even if he flips, because of his size. Fighting through a twinge of disappointment, I felt relief that our doctors are given wisdom.

Then I started thinking of all of the advantages of having a c-section: picking the day, no vaginal stretching or possible incontinence, no labor pains... But then there is also that disappointment that I won't get to say "Honey, its time." I feel like I'm missing out on some right-of-passage that all woman should go through. Yeah, a lot of people get c-sections, but most at least start labor! I don't know...

I spent the rest of the day trying to decide on a date. Trying to determine that was the hardest thing. How do you decide. We've finally decided on the 15th of September.

So then comes everyone's advise to turn the baby. Lay tilted with ice on your belly, play music lower, etc... Is it bad that part of me is TOTALLY okay with the baby not turning and just having a c-section?? I kinda like the idea of being in control of the entire situation. Besides, if the dr thinks he's going to be to big to push out...why try?

After we settle the date and the surgery is scheduled, I start thinking about the day of delivery a lot. Since I'll be strapped down, I actually won't be able to hold the baby for a while. After the baby is born, they will show him to me and then start cleaning him up. After that, Chad will get to hold him before they are whisked away to the nursery and I'm taken to recovery. I became extremely upset that I wasn't going to be the one to introduce him to the family. I got even more upset at the idea of anyone else besides Chad holding him...or even seeing him without glass separating them. I figured if I carried him, I should get to hold him first and be able to introduce him to each person. So I called Chad and told him that no one is to lay hands on that baby until I do. (Well, of course the dr, nurse and himself.) I think he thought I was going a little nutty. I don't blame him, it was 6:30am.

I've since decided on the way I want the day to go. (Of course I don't know the times but this is a rough idea)

5:30 - Get to the hospital
7:00 - Surgery
Some time during 7am Kai is born
8ish - Chad gets the family and they gather outside the nursery to see Kai for the first time being all cleaned off (me in recovery)
Next - I get the baby and Chad in recovery and spend time with them alone until being moved to the Mommy/Baby Unit
10ish - Get settled into our room
1030 - Start inviting family back two at a time for 15 min each
1130/12 - Kick everyone out and rest
4/5 - Allow visitors to return

But who knows how the day will actually go. I just feel like I'm not going to want to be totally surrounded the entire day. Give me some time. I'll be there for three days, I'd rather people come see us the following days when I'm more rested and bored!